the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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