the condom got lost in my hair
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
