Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
two words...techno handjob
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
