It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
