What a fucking waste of an outfit
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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