you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize