I'm gonna have a badass scar
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
