Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
