so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
