I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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