it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
