he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
