I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
