I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
