i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
