I accidentally burped into my bong.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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