i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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