then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
