i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
