Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dignity is for republicans.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
