Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
nutella sex= disaster
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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