last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
