The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
