well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize