i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I have feelings that need drinking.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize