I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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