So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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