Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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