if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
