lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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