Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Can I color on your dick again?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
