How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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