I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
