Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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