if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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