Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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