I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
