The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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