hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
