mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
