i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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