Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
