You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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