I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
