we have officially lost it.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
