I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
