saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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