I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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