I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
