Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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