Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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