Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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