I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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