Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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