Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize