my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
