I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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