Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
