went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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