3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
