Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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