I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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