Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
