sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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