Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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