I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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