Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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