I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
