I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
