first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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